Given that we live in a culture saturated with sexual messages, talking with your teenage kids about sex is a crucial part of supporting them in passing though the teen years as unscathed as possible. So let's say you've decided you're open to talking with your teen about sex. What next? Here are a few ideas to consider.
Teenagers deserve respect
In North America teenagers get a bad rap. They are thought of as lazy, badly dressed, devoid of musical taste, completely irresponsible, and of course, sexually out of control.
But if you take the time to remember what it was like being a teenager, you'll be confronted with a very different reality. Being a teenager is arguably the hardest time your life; you have little autonomy, your days are filled with school, your nights and weekends are filled with an intense social pressure to conform to other peoples expectations. You probably have easy access to drugs, alcohol, random sexual experiences, but no one gives you good information about any of them. Surviving being a teenager is hard work, and you should treat your teenage children with respect not only because it’s the only way they’ll actually listen to you, but also because more often than not, they deserve it.
Teenagers are individuals not statistics
We all talk about teens as if there is no difference between a 13 year old and a 16 or 18 year old. There is a world of difference in terms of maturity, knowledge, lived experience, social skills, and more. You have to treat your teen as an individual, not a statistic that you read about in the paper. Try to get a sense of where you think your teenager is at in terms of their experience and maturity around sex. If you have other kids as a point of comparison this might be easier. If you don't, try to get information from friends who do. Talk about your experiences and use this as a guide.
Listen carefully for sexual questions
Some teens are comfortable talking about sex, asking questions, and telling you what is going on in their life. Others aren’t. Your child may not ask you explicit questions so you have to pay attention to what is not being talked about, and how sex might be raised indirectly. Stories about something that happened at school, or a reaction to a particular class where sex may have been discussed, may be their way of raising the subject with you. Don’t expect a big confession or a clearly laid out Q & A session. Try to pay attention to indirect questions and pick up on them to check in and see if your teenager has more specific questions.
Be available, not intrusive
Avoid being the “way too cool parents” who try to force the issue of sex. Part of respecting your children is giving them space to ask questions when they are ready. At the same time you want to make sure they know you’re up for the questions. It’s a balancing act being both available and accessible, but not being in their face. You won’t always keep your balance but when your kids see you trying, on some level they’ll appreciate the effort.
Cover the sexual basics in different ways
While you want to respect your teens privacy there is a lot of important health information your teen should have. If you think they might be sexually active, and aren't sure if they know about safer sex, you should ask them. You wouldn't let your teen start driving a car if they had never had driving lessons, and similarly as a parent it is your right to make sure they know how to keep safe with whatever kind of sexual exploration they are doing. If they are mortified by your pushiness, make sure you have a few books in the house that covers the basics, and have condoms in the house in a place where they can get them without asking you for them.
Use outside sexual health resources
Other resources might be books, local sexual health clinics, other family members, or family friends. For example, your teenage daughter might not want to talk to you, but she might be comfortable talking to her favorite aunt. The most important thing you can do for your teenager is help them get the information they need in a way that feels comfortable for them.
Timing sex talks
Try to keep in mind that your teenage son or daughter is likely juggling a hundred things you aren't aware of. Don't expect them to be ready to talk about sex whenever you are. If you want to bring up sex do it at a time and place where you both will feel comfortable and free to speak your minds. Doing it just before they're about to go out on a Friday night, or right in the middle of their favorite show probably isn't the best timing.
Sex education beyond plumbing
The two messages most teens get about sex are: don't get a disease and don't get pregnant. For those of us who made it through our teens, we hopefully know that there is a lot more to sexuality than not getting an STD and not getting pregnant. When you're talking to your teen about sex, give them some information about the great things about sexuality that are still to come for them. Talk about more than the "plumbing" of how sex works, talk about sexual thoughts and feelings, and the amazing things about sexuality as you get older. In other words, try to find a way to give them something to look forward to.
Know your boundaries and keep them
You cannot be your teenager's "buddy" or best friend. And you shouldn't feel like you have to answer every personal question your teen might ask you about your own life or history. Disclosing personal stories and lessons learned can be a powerful way to help your teen think about their own choices, but setting your own boundaries about what you will and will not talk about is equally important. You may want to share information with your teen that you wouldn't tell a friend or stranger, and if you do, make sure your child knows that. This may help them begin to develop their own boundaries, which is an important step in developing sexual health.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy that progressed to the “I love you” stage? That’s the stage of a relationship when things are going well; you are enjoying each other’s company, and you believe the other person feels the same way.
It’s the point where your relationship can become more than just a friendship – it can become a vessel of long-lasting commitments, tender moments, and soulful intimacy. And you can get so excited about the possibilities of a relationship that you hear things that have yet to be said.
Now, I am of the opinion that 50% of relationships could progress to a marriage. All it takes is a willingness to nurture trust and care in a relationship that has marital promise.
But, the relationship gets off course because the man, woman or both make choices that alter the direction of that naturally progressing relationship. One is the assumption that the other has expressed love for you, when indeed they haven’t.
When you believe that someone has said “I love you” when they really haven’t, you begin to expect the other to be there for you way before they’ve decided they want to be there for you. You get hurt, the other person is confused, and the relationship fizzles away into nothingness instead of progressing forward to marriage. It’s sad, because if more people knew what love was, they wouldn’t jump the gun before its time.
For example, here are some phrases that sound like I Love You but really aren’t.
* I love that about you (I admire that aspect of you). * I think I’m falling for you (I may love you, but I am not sure). * I could love you forever (There’s a possibility I could love you, but I haven’t made up my mind yet). * I love being with you (I love the way spending time with you makes me feel).
I mean, it’s hard to ignore what someone says, and some of these phrases do sound like a declaration of love. But they’re not. Saying I love you is sharing with a person that you care for them, want to aid them in life, and want to be responsible for their well-being. It’s a major step, and one that shouldn’t be ignored. If a person loves you, they can become a reliable companion for you.
The difference between I love you and I’m in love with you.
Many times, you’ll hear someone say to another, I love you but I am not in love with you. This usually means “I am motivated to be there for you, but I am not romantically attracted you”. But did you know that people can be in love with you, but not love you?
Being in love with someone is when you admire their body, character, motivations, personality, habits, or abilities. It’s focused on how that person makes you feel when they are around you and how much better the world is when you get to share their company.
But loving someone requires more than that.
Loving someone requires two things. First, you have to believe there is some way you can help that person. You have to see a way you can show care, and the more opportunities you find, the more you believe you can love them. Second, you have to make a decision to be there for them. Even if you see there’s a way you can nurture, protective, encourage, suffer with, or aid a person, you still have to chose to do all those things, regardless of how that decision will affect your own life. Loving someone is less about what the person does you for, and more about what you can do for them.
So, sometimes, when you “think” you hear a person say they love you, they’re really saying they’re in love with you. They like you, they admire you, or they are aroused by you. The focus is on what you do for them, not what they can do for you. It’s beautiful, but it’s not enough to begin sharing love with that person. You have to wait for the “I love you” both in what they say, and what they do.
When a man and woman say “I love you” it’s because they want the other person to know they have made the decision to be there for them. And they want to hear if the other person feels the same way about them. It’s a turning point of any relationship, because now you can judge the other person’s intentions based on their actions.
Some people will still say I love you, and not mean it. But many people won’t even go there if they don’t mean it, because now they are really on the line. A friendship can go on for months and months, but once you say I love you, it’s either on or off, yes or no, is you is or is you ain’t!
So please, only say “I love you” when you mean it, and give the benefit of the doubt when someone else says it. If they really love you, you’ll know it because they will begin to treat you with love, if they haven’t already. And until they do say so, enjoy the time you share with your friends, and wait on love to blossom in its own time. If love is there for you, you will have it. And if it’s not, love may be waiting for you in the heart of someone else close by.
Ideally, these guidelines work best when both partners follow them; however, a change in one partner's way of responding often encourages a change in the other partner.
Relationships bring out the best and the worst in us. Here are some ways to bring out the best in yours:
1. Focus on yourself. Do things to increase your self-awareness, like how you behave in relationships. It can help to stay aware of patterns, reactions, feelings, beliefs, and triggers that arise in your relationship.
It is often true that how you feel may have little to do with your partner, and is more about you and your past experiences.
2. Take responsibility for your own feelings, thoughts, needs, and behavior. Check out assumptions, interpretations, and fears.
State your feelings and thoughts clearly and without blame. Make requests. Ask for what you need. She/he may not know what you need. Know that you may not get exactly what you need. Find ways to meet your own needs.
3. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself as you would a good friend.
4. Be present with yourself. This is important not only for your own well-being, but also for your relationship. Being present with yourself can be achieved in different ways, such as meditation, yoga, relaxation, rest, exercise, body awareness, dance, being in nature, and prayer.
Anything that helps you to be in the moment will help you to do that with your partner, as well. Many people find that being in the moment while they are with their partner is a lot harder than when they are alone or with other people.
Some couples work on this together. You can: Lie down with your partner in a spoon position (one person's front side hugs the other person's back side) and then breathe in unison for five to ten minutes. Generally it is better if the larger partner follows the breath of the smaller partner. If your mind wanders, bring your focus back to breathing together.
Variations of this are standing up and breathing in unison while hugging, and sitting down facing each other, holding eye contact while breathing in unison. This can also be helpful to do when you feel upset or angry with each other. Sit facing each other.
At first, look down or close your eyes. Become aware of your breath. Follow the natural rhythm of your breath, and let your mind be clear of thoughts and worries. When you have done this for a while, open your eyes and look at your partner.
S/he may not have opened her/his eyes yet. If not, look at your partner from this meditative place and see what you notice, while you continue to follow your breath. When your partner opens her/his eyes, hold eye contact, while continuing to follow your breath.
If you lose your connection with your breath, take a moment by looking down or closing your eyes to reconnect, and then hold eye contact again. Just notice what you are aware of as you do this.
5. Nurture all of your relationships. Try not to isolate yourself in your primary relationship.
6. Explore your own creativity, needs, independence, leisure activities, hobbies, career Anything that makes you feel better about yourself, or makes you feel whole and feeds your soul is important and will have a positive effect on your relationship.
7. Take another look. When your partner does something that bothers you
Ask yourself, what does this mean to me? Why am I bothered by this?
Is there anything from my past that is effecting how I am feeling or seeing this right now?
Have I in any way contributed to this issue, perhaps without being aware of it? Is there anything about this issue that might reflect something I don't want to look at within me?
If you are feeling critical or judgmental about your partner's behavior, step back for a moment and see if you can come up with alternative explanations for that behavior—ones that are less critical
If you need to say something, this is a helpful formula to use: When you...(describe behavior in neutral terms), I feel...(describe feelings without blaming), and I would like to ask that you...(make your request about a concrete behavioral change).
8. Give understanding. Just as you deserve understanding and support, your partner does, too, and it does help to feel understood. Try to see the situation from her/his perspective, especially when you are in conflict.
9. Acknowledge your partner's feelings. You don't have to agree with someone to acknowledge and understand.
10. Give your partner lots of appreciation. Let your partner know how much you love her/him and why.
11. Accept your partner the way she/he is. This doesn't mean that you don't ask her/him for behavioral changes, or that you accept, for example, being yelled at. It just means that you accept your partner as a person, and believe in her/his good intentions. Contrary to popular belief, really accepting someone brings out the best in them.
12. Don't make sweeping generalizations. No matter how tempting, try not to make sweeping generalizations like "You never...," "You are always...," "You are such a...."
13. Have complaint sessions. Sometimes couples build up resentments that need airing. It can help to have a "complaint session." One person starts by saying all the things that are bothering her/him, while their partner listens and encourages them to continue by saying, "what else?
Sometimes by delving deeper, the one who is complaining realizes that there's more to the complaints than what s/he originally thought.
The one complaining may start out angry but often will soften, and become more aware of what is really bothering her/him, and what s/he needs. The listener's job is to listen, without comment, and to try not to take it personally. What you are hearing is an indication of how frustrated or angry your partner is right now.
Keep in mind that it's not all about you, even if most of the anger is being directed at you. You can switch roles when the first person is done, or at a later time.
14. Take time out. When a conflict is not going anywhere, it can help to take some time away from your partner. Couples usually make up rules about time out, such as don't leave the house, and having a set amount of time for the time out, like 30 minutes, before checking back in with each other about whether or not they can continue the discussion.
In cars, time out can just mean that no one talks for a set amount of time. Either partner can call time out, and it should mean immediate silence for an agreed-upon time. It is always better to have the amount of time set prior to an argument, or you will argue about that!
Some couples don't set a specific amount of time, but remain silent for a while, and when they have calmed down enough to feel compassion, they check in with each other about their mutual readiness to continue the conversation or to let it go for now.
15. Listen carefully. If your partner is trying to tell you something and you don't understand, listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, check out what you think they are saying, and keep trying to understand.
Many arguments arise from our not really listening to each other, or assuming that we know what the other person is saying without checking it out first. It is always best to check that you understood the other person correctly.
But if you want your relationship to be based on respect, compassion, and clear communication, it's a good idea to try to follow these guidelines or others that work for you, as much as possible.
This might sound a vague question but has means a lot to people entering into a relationship. A definitive response to this is impossible and answers could go on forever. Every man has his own strengths and his own issues and insecurities. Moreover, men go through different stages of life and relationships have different stages. What men want in a woman varies widely. But here are a few things which men look for in a woman which makes them go crazy!
Men look for health (physical, psychological, emotional)
They look for a woman who appeals to them physically from some aspect. That is to say some men might like a woman for her hair while some could like a woman for her physique.
Men look for the outward appearance of physical health, e.g. clear, bright eyes, a body not too overweight and not too underweight, clean lustrous hair, clean nails, clean body, few if any blemishes.
All said and done, there is a certain degree of physical attraction which is involved which attracts men to women. Once the physical aspect is taken care of, the next step that of emotional and psychological health is ascertained
Honesty
Among the more latent trait men look for a woman who can be trusted completely. This also implies a certain degree of faith and chastity, someone who is not likely to sneak around and sleep around with other guys.
Similar interests
Generally it is found that men in love look for women who have similar likes and dislikes and their set of interest overlap with theirs.
Appreciation
Pride is something that is primal to a men in love and he looks for a woman who does not hurt it. In other words, men look for women who have a certain sense of appreciation for what they do and who they are. This also means that comparison between men is not something that goes down to well wit them.
Passion and Manageable ego
Men generally look for women who have a spark in them. This spark could be with regard to their passion for various things including love making! They generally try to find a woman whose ego is not at par with theirs.
A partner for life and soul
Emotionally strong woman
Who gives him own space and doesn't pester him beyond reason.
An interesting woman and with mediocre levels of intellect
With a creative bent of mind
Sometimes men prefer women who are artistic in nature. This adds that extra spice in their relationship and also helps them when it comes to having a family.
Gone are the days when brides and grooms wait until marriage to make love for the first time. With the exception of those whose religious beliefs require them to be virgins until marriage, few people today refrain from physical intimacy before becoming a newlywed. Still, when the reception is over and you and your new spouse find yourselves alone, you’ll want that first night as married people to be special and extra romantic. You can make it a night to remember whether you’ve never been with one another or you’ve lived together for years.
In practically no time at all, you'll set the stage for romance. Here's How:
Choose the right place to spend your first night. If you’re looking for romance, then you should retreat to a hotel room or your own home together for the evening. Leave your entourage behind and focus on each other. Those who have had destination weddings might already be in a luxurious resort on a beautiful island somewhere. But even if you’re in your own hometown in small-town America, you should pick a place where you can be alone, relax, and enjoy each other’s company.
Bring food with you. Many newlyweds are so busy greeting guests and dancing at the reception that they do not get much to eat. Ask your caterer to give you a doggie bag or make sure the hotel or wherever you end up staying has fruit or some other snacks on hand. You might be starving when the party is over – and a growling stomach can ruin the mood and your desire.
Pick the right undergarments. Brides and grooms spend a lot of time dressing up for the wedding. But they should also make sure their undergarments make them feel sexy and presentable to their spouse. Wearing something fun for only the eyes of your partner can be a real turn on. Women, of course, have more options than men. For the ladies, a slinky white nightgown, pretty thong, and garter might do the trick. And men might prefer a simple silk boxer. Be true to yourself. The important thing is that you choose something that makes you feel both comfortable and desirable.
Have flowers and candles at the ready. Set the stage for romance with rose petals that lead to the bed and soft candles lighting the space. Wedding planners often prepare the hotel room for couples, but you can do it yourselfif you planned your event solo. Decorating your room adds to the ambiance with the aroma of flowers and the mellow candlelight, but also helps set this night apart from any other you might spend together.
Treat each other to something special. Run a bath for your spouse. Give each other massages. Have love letters waiting on each other’s pillows. Do something romantic and out of the ordinary for one another to show how happy you are to finally be married. You’ve announced your love to the world; now announce it again to one another. Nothing could be more special than that.
Kiss, hug, laugh, and love. The rest will come naturally, so you won't need any further direction. Enjoy one another and be happy!
Given that we live in a culture saturated with sexual messages, talking with your teenage kids about sex is a crucial part of supporting them in passing though the teen years as unscathed as possible. So let's say you've decided you're open to talking with your teen about sex. What next? Here are a few ideas to consider. 
